I came here from Romania when I was 12 years old. I had an accent. High school was tough a little bit for a few years. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be good-looking. I wanted to be popular. I spent a lot of time thinking, ‘What are these people going to think of me?’
The internet went from showing food recipe videos to alchemy in less than a decade. There’s going to be a quick video on how to make the philosopher’s stone from tomato sauce next week.
No one talks about how seeing celebrities in real life breaks your brain.
For example, a few days ago, at a nice little bakery near Byron Bay, I ordered an iced latte and stepped to the side to wait, I was one of only a two or three people in line. A few moments later everyone else has their drinks, and a gentleman walks up to the counter with his wife and his dog.
It’s a cute dog, it’s a beautiful lady, it’s a handsome man.
Wait, that’s not a handsome man.
That’s a handsome Chris Hemsworth.
It occurs to me that this man is, in fact, the god of thunder, the cute dumb possessed one from ghostbusters, the huntsman from that one Snow White remake with Bella from twilight. Yes, that is Chris Hemsworth.
Now, I’m torn because while the counter staff are (understandably) fawning over the celebrity who they seem to have encountered a few times before, my iced latte has been forgotten. I’m standing to the side, two feet from Chris Hemsworth trying to decide wether to focus on him, or his dog.
His back is to me, he has a very cute dog.
I focus on the dog.
A while passes and Chris and his dog and his wife start to leave, and then they’re walking away which is fine. A lady behind the counter looks at me.
“You had the latte?” She says, grabbing the milk jug from under the steamer.
“Iced latte.” Her coworker corrects her, pouring my drink, “I’ve got it.”
He looks to me, “sorry for the wait, we were a bit disracted.”
“Yeah, I get it,” I say, “that was a really cute dog.”
They stare at me.
They think I’m serious.
I look like a fool.
“I’m kidding.” I say finally and they both laugh as he hands me my beverage, after fifteen minutes of waiting.
I wasn’t mad that I had to wait.
I get it.
But now, a few days later, a gif crosses my dash, one of Chris Hemsworth; a blooper from Thor: Ragnarok.
Before now I’d think “wow what an attractive man. Beautiful. Stunning.”
Now all I can think is “that man made me wait fifteen minutes for a latte.”
It’s fine.
I got my drink.
However, Thor in my mind is no longer Thor…. he is latte man.
i can’t believe how many people in their mid-20s are buying the amazon alexa and like hooking it up to their home security systems and lights and phone and shit like i know we all saw the 1999 disney channel original movie smart house. they warned us and you are playing with fire
Honestly, my favorite thing at the moment is all the marvel headcanons where Hela wasn’t cray-cray homicidal, and she’s an overprotective bitchy sister.
I fucking love everything about this post
This post a treasure and this how it would have been if Mr. I-don’t-need-a-parenting-book had not fucked up with that one fucking eye he was left with. Asshole.
the1timetraveller 